viddy well little brother, viddy well [19 Jul 2001|09:27am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | tool- parabola ] ummmm... how retarded can i make my first entry? (laugh) this is pretty retarded, i think i'll quit while i'm doing good :p (i am, you realize, doing this for my own amusement at the moment.....) post comment

woohoo! [19 Jul 2001|10:06am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | TOOL - Parabola ] i actually installed this thing correctly...... (laugh) i'm so proud post comment

all this pain is an illusion [19 Jul 2001|10:43am] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | Sheryl Crow - The Difficult Kind ] the loneliness i feel at this moment is a self-inflicted curse... eating at my insides.. worms crawling in and out.... (it looks like a nine inch nails video) and as i cry out into the darkness... i hear something in reply... a shimmer of hope in my mind... a small blue flame inside of all the nothingness... extinguished coldly... as i realize there is noone else... it is only an echo of my desperate plea... post comment

life for now [19 Jul 2001|11:03am] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Weezer - Island In The Sun ] so i realize that i need to chill out... and right now i'm okay with that.... and it feels good to be relaxed for once... well that's not entirely true.. i'm a bit nervous about feeling this way.. but i'm going to shove it away, and jump off the bridge... ~*~ it's nice to return to a life less serious.. one where i don't have to read into things... where when i get pissed, it's not going to bother me for more than five minutes.. the intensity of the past 6 months has worn me thin... and i'm glad to return to a life less serious. ~*~ forget all of the pain and anxiety and surf on the waves of normalcy for awhile... (although i don't know that i've ever known normalcy, this feels right) i think i can be happy if i just remember that i'm still me inside of all that's going on.. and people used to fall in love with me everyday (smirk) i miss being her.. i miss being the charming bitch that makes everyone smile when they talk to her.... i miss being the comfort and the cheer and the reminder that life should never be taken so seriously........... i want to be her again ~*~ i smile to think of him lying there in bed.. sleeping... wiggling his toes as i quietly say his name.. and although i want to have him for the rest of my life (to know this crazy love forever) i'd rather let go a bit for awhile return to the casualness that i used to be so proud of the passion within has taken a turn for the tragic and turned my trust into fear but as i think of him lying in bed.. sleeping.. wiggling his toes as i quietly say his name... i know it will be okay if i just let loose and smile. ~*~ post comment

john's such a pain in my ass [19 Jul 2001|02:49pm] [ mood | giggly ] .... ya know what.... it's really hard to date an asshole who's extra irresistable when he's being a jerk..... (smirk) i hate him so much...... post comment

early night revelations [19 Jul 2001|10:13pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Placebo - 20th Century Boy ] bbbbreezy. tiiired... lonely in this empty apartment... and all i can do is wish that he was home right now.. and he were laying in bed with me wishing for the heat to go away, but finding it somewhat pleasurable...... stupid third shift... post comment

tickets and phone calls [19 Jul 2001|10:45pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Dave Matthews Band - The Space Between ] will it ever end?!? work must suck for john almost as much as it sucks for me (smirk) ~*~note to john: i'm thinking about you~*~ post comment

navigation [ viewing | July 19th, 2001 ] [ go | next day ]